True Wit

Once upon a time, about 1991, I lived in a small village in South Australia.  The population was roughly 2000.  After being there about a month, even if you didn't know everyone by name...you knew everyone by sight.  Now in this village lived a young woman named Michelle.

Michelle was a 20-something, single Aussie lass.  She was f-f-f-fine!!!  On a scale of 1 to 10, she was about a 12.4...on a bad hair day :-)  I googled for photos to "represent" her in this post but none did her justice...so use your imagination.  A smile that lit up the day, perfectly proportioned body, breasts that provided just enough waste to be entertaining, buns made of Kevlar...you get the idea.  The common consensus among the males of the village was that Michelle was the hottest woman in town.

Now add to this walking, breathing fantasy the fact that Michelle was also one of the nicest, most pleasant people in the village...and it was sincere!!!  It was almost like no one had ever clued her in on how friggin' attractive she was...no arrogance, no snobbishness, no fakeness!!!  Add the looks and personality together and essentially she was the type of woman that very, very few guys would have the courage to approach.

Until one night...

Friday night and the pub was jumpin'!!!  A good mix of Aussies and Yanks...throwing darts, shooting pool, and of course...drinking beer!  Michelle is sitting at the bar chatting with girlfriend and being her usual lovely, likable self. 

An American, whose name I will not change because he should never live this down, named Stephen, apparently decides this night is the night.  Fueled by a healthy dose of liquid courage (alcohol) and "supportive" mates...Aussie and Yank alike...he makes his move.

I'm sure he thought he was sauntering...but actually it was more like weaving...up to Michelle.  With the cosmos against him...just as he loudly said (so he could be heard over the music...and so his mates could witness his bravery) the music stopped!  The whole pub heard him speak this classic pick-up line...

"Michelle, I sure would like to get into your pants"

With a smile that melted hearts and made puppies wag their tails, Michelle so sweetly replied:

"No thanks mate, I already have one asshole there"

A collective groan from every male in the place could be heard as Stephen was shot down in flames!!!