Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Monday, Monday...revisited!!!

In yesterday's case your memory is deficient like mine...I offered to answer some questions and y'all left some good here we go!!!

My darling JM asks "why OH why do guys think once they are in a relationship they can just quit trying to impress the girl?"  Good question, young see, we take our clue from the animal kingdom.  The peacock displays its brilliant, iridescent plumage to impress and entice the peahen (only the males are actually peacocks) into joining his harem.  However, once the peahen is a member of the harem, the peacock no longer puts on this display.  There are two primary reasons for this change in behavior; 1) the level of posturing required to win the mate is alot of friggin' work...the tailfeathers are about 60% of the peacocks total body length and 2) the peacock has already won the peahen as a mate...what would be the point in trying to impress her further?  To summarize, we use our best effort to get you in the first once we have you, there's not much left to impress you with and once in a relationship, it's easy to get lazy and fall into the false sense of security that we did such a good job of impressing you in the first place that there's really no need to keep doing it.  As a note, the male is not the only gender guilty of in point, the female that previously spent an hour getting ready for a date now only owns sweatpants and has taken the Mary Kay lady off her friends list :-)  JM, there is a way around this one...don't let the guy know he's in a relationship...I once saw a woman for two years and never knew that I was "in a relationship" I thought we were special friends :-)

Krissy, who has referred to me as sexy twice now and I hereby appoint as my highly valued official stalker, ponders "Why do guys always have their hands either in their pants or on their appendage?"  First, appendage is a really bad term to use when describing our weiners...they have feelings, you know!!!  It sounds like we could get appendage-itis and have to have it removed or it might fall off or some other craziness...shudder.  But back to the question, there are actually a number of reasons for this seemingly strange behavior.  It could be economic...for example, I grew up poor...there were five sons and very little money...sometimes it was the only thing I had to play with :-)  For some married guys, it's a reminder that even though they don't get to use it without permission, it's still there.  Yes, sometimes it is a sexual just feels good.  Oh, and believe it or not....sometimes it is just a comfort adjustment and nothing more :-)

And Jess is quite the curious one...she has four..."Do y'all REALLY think about sex evry 13 seconds?"  Jess, I'm not sure where you came up with this so called "data"....I seriously believe it to be must be based on men of the clergy or guys in a coma!!!  I'm pretty sure that for regular guys it's probably more like once every 10.5 seconds and for us overachievers once every 8 seconds...but to be clear, some of those thoughts are very fleeting, like "nice butt".  Jess' next inquiry is a personal favorite, "Do you automatically appraise a woman's hotness when meeting her for the first time?"  Without a doubt, YES.  To clarify, although most won't admit it...I believe the majority of men, if even for a split second...never to be acted upon, assess each woman's potential as a possible sex partner.  I think this is based on two factors...factor one, the genetic drive to procreate and sustain the species and factor two that we're horn dogs that would have sex with just about anyone short of a leper (see note above about stuff falling off) IF the conditions were just no one would ever find out :-)  Her next question caught me off guard and required some soul searching on my part..."Do you secretly like chick flicks?" Not so much, they set the expectations for romance and relationships too high for the typical guy to meet...see peacock discussion above.  However, I must be honest and admit that there are exceptions...I love the movie "Sweet Home Alabama" and not sure if this one actually qualifies as a chick flick but I really like Juno...the parents in that movie are awesome!  And last, the age old question "Is the toilet lid thing really that widespread an epidemic?"  I with you Jess, I don't see this as a major issue...can't recall it ever creating strife at my house.

Wow...that was fun :-)  I was talking to JM this afternoon and told her this blogging stuff can be addictive...I haven't even had dinner yet because I wanted to log on and see what's happening.  Y'all are much more interesting than the people I know :-)


Bouncin' Barb said...

Ok, now I'm going to throw in my 2 cents. As a woman, each time I look at a man I instantly picture what sex would be like with them. Does that make me bad? Does it make me perverted? Nope, it just makes me honest. It's a fleeting thought (most of the time)! You are really funny Dad!

Jess said...

Loved it! Thanks for answering, you sexy wonderful example of the male species. (Have I surpassed Krissy yet?)

P.S. Don't tell my hubs.

becca said... are too funny dad love the post and thank for clarifying these things about men.

Dad said...

@Barb...yay Barb for your honesty! and's life that is funny

@Jess...I'm afraid if I say yes, you'll stop and I never want you to stop :-). Don't worry...I'm allergic to husbands so your secret is safe with me

@becca...just don't what I can to make the world a funner place :-)

Mynx said...

Ohh, I missed the question thing. and ow I cant think of any. Can I stalk you too? I like gathering a harem of male bloggers around me.

Krissy said...

Yay, it's official.. I'm a ... stalker? Wait, he said "highly valued" so that's a good thing! :)

@Jess.. Don't take my title from me. I'm finally officially something!

@Barb.. That makes you a sexual creature, and there is nothing wrong with that, girlfriend!

@Dad.. You were a good sport for doing this, so thanks! However, I must say the most "manly" thing you said was the part about being in a relationship for two years and not knowing it. The length of time should have been your first clue, dear. But then, boys will be boys. :)

lyndylou said...

Hey I am with Barb but I would not voice it cos my face tells the story!!! Oooh Errr!

Funny post :)

Jumble Mash said...

Hahaha thanks, Dad. I'm not sure I wanted to know how much you think about sex...but still, a great post :)

And oh my, my bloggy friends are calling my dad sexy. Weird. But I think I'm okay with it. LOL.

Krissy said...

JM.. You led us to him. So sorry, chica! :)

Bursts of Bubbles said...

There was me thinking all our followers were stalkers...:P... your safe though from me as I'd drown in the sea getting to you ;).

I agree this blog business is addictive and you'll be sat around doing nothing much and suddenly think of things to blog about... sad life I know but its fun.

Those questions were really well answered for a man as my husband pretends he's un educated and I know more so should get on with whatever needs doing.

Bursts of Bubbles said...

oh I've thought of a question, Is it true that men can't multi task?

Dad said...

@Mynx...of course you can stalk me darlin'...will ya bring around a West End Export or Victoria Bitter please :-)

@Krissy....I try to pay attention to what's going on around am I dating some....but I must admit, I missed that one and learn :-) clarify, when I think about sex every eight seconds it's in a purely scientific, ungross way ;-)

@Bubbles...not true...I actually multitask pretty well. I will state for the record however, the best multitasker I've ever seen are working, single mothers...absolutely incredible!!! And I'm not saying that to gain points...after all none of you are here to play peacock with...I am saying it because I experienced my mother raise 5 sons...alone...and she ran a tighter operation than anything I saw over a 24 year military career!

@Barb and Lyndy...I salute your honesty....where the hell ya been all my life???

Krissy said...

Dad.. You are forgiven for not knowing that about the relationship b/c you are a man. :) Honestly, I normally bond more with men b/c of my love for sports so I am normally given the title of "one of the guys" before I ever get a guy's attention in other ways.

Dad said...

@krissy...c'mon up...I promise to notice that you are NOT one of the guys...boobs are a dead give away...I'm astute like that ;-)