I think I'm in the grip of mentalpause...I really have nothing of value to write about tonight so if ya just wanna skim and post an "um hum"...I'm cool with that.
Been in a slightly pissy mood today for no apparent reason. We had our work Christmas luncheon today....I enjoy the time away from the office but not the pretense by the people that would put a dagger in your back in the blink of an eye that we're suddenly one big happy family...yeah , friggin' right!
I've determined that Jumble Mash and her sisters are enablers....I've been Christmas shopping for them since October...I have presents stacked all over the place....and this very morning, I see something interesting at work (I can't be more specifc, cause JM may read this)...comment on it and find myself forking over cash to have the "items" delivered tomorrow. I mentioned it to JM and instead of saying "Dad, really...enough is enough...please quit spending all your money on us", her reply...with a twinkle in her voice...was "Oh goody...thanks"...see...enablers :-)
A very sweet thing did happen today...I hadn't posted anything since The Night Before Christmas and Bubbles actually popped in to comment to make sure everything was OK....I was honestly touched...Thanks Bubbles...you're on my good karma list :-)
Due to above reference mentalpause condition, I am soliciting topics to post about...so, if you have anything in mind, let me know.
P.S. I've been looking for a new pair of brown, slip-on (cause I'm too lazy to tie) casual shoes for about a week and as a result have noticed something strange...at every shoe store there are roughly six times the selection for women as there is for men....but women and men both have two feet each...what the hell is up with that?
Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Planet Dad
I'm feeling a little cranky today and not real enamoured with humankind so figured this would be a good time to lay out the changes that will be made once I become Grand Pubah of Planet Earth!!!
1. All lawyers will be given a choice...give up the practice of law and do something that actually helps society or take a long walk off a short pier...into shark infested waters...smeared with whatever it is that sharks can't resist.
2. Since most polticians are or were lawyers, I'm hoping step one gets rid of most of them but for those few remaining, they will also get a choice...do something that actually helps society or slide down a razor blade naked into a vat of iodine.
3. I will appoint people to the important jobs based on their personal integrity and ability to make me laugh...women with nice butts will get two bonus points!
4. Temporary, reversable sterilization for everyone that cannot afford to raise a child...once the financial capability can be demonstrated...an antidote will be issued.
5. All professional athletes will work under a strick salary cap...if they reallllllyyyy play because they love the game...they can play for minimum wage! This change will also apply to actors, actresses, singers, bands, clowns, and Barney the friggin Purple Dinosaur!!!
6. The military, police, teachers, firemen and trash collectors will get an immediate 100% pay raise (we'll get the money from the athletes, actors, etc ) IF they are good at what they do...no dead weight in these professions will be tolerated.
7. Health care...I will pay for all medical training/schooling...with a two to one pay back...if you go to 8 years of medical school...you owe society sixteen years of service...at a REASONABLE salary...this may keep the folks that just wanna make money away.
8. "Welfare" will only be available for those not capable of working...not those that don't want to work!!!
9. The media will not be permitted to destroy the self-esteem of girls and women by "dictating" or force feeding their (and industry's) version of what an attractive woman should look like....all Barbie dolls will immediately put on 45 pounds!!!
10. The only talk show that will still be aired will be Jerry Springer...cause face it, if you're doing better than Jerry's guests...life ain't so bad :-) Dr. Phil and Oprah will be forced to marry and listen to each other's psychobabble bullshit for the rest of their lives...in private!
11. All religious organizations will lose their tax free status...on planet Dad...if ya wanna play, ya gotta pay.
12. Free education will actually be free...kids (their parents) will not be forced to become door-to-door salesmen of cookies, magazines, or other crap that none of us really want to buy anyhow.
13. Thieves...the cutting off of hands, televised on ESPN, doesn't seem too harsh to me...basic thing momma taught me...if it ain't yours, don't touch it
14. Back to education...any educator caught calling a child dumb or stupid or similiar word will have their privates painted with honey and staked to an ant hill for 8 hours...without pay...to consider who is really stupid!
15. Drugs...the entire drug trade will be taken over by the government and taxed to high heaven...let it generate funds for the country instead of draining it.
16. Old people (by this I mean older than me) will regain their status as essential and venerated members of society instead of throw-aways...they will be allowed and encouraged to continue working as long as they are able to make a contribution...when they are no longer able to work...we will capitalize on their experience and wisdom by having them as advisors...when they decide they've had enough, we will treat them with dignity and respect...we should all want this since I believe we all hope to be old one day :-)
17. Any chocolate eaten after 6 pm will have no calories...enough said!
18. People in prison and jails are there because they did something bad...they will not have tv, gyms, the internet, or anything else that makes jail a less than terrible experience...I think the idea should be to make it so unpleasant that no one wants to go back...and possibly change their behavior to ensure they don't go back!
OK...I'm tired now...gonna go play some Xbox and then off tobed...my big, empty bed...hmm, maybe I'll just stay up all night :-)
Hope everyone has a great Monday!
1. All lawyers will be given a choice...give up the practice of law and do something that actually helps society or take a long walk off a short pier...into shark infested waters...smeared with whatever it is that sharks can't resist.
2. Since most polticians are or were lawyers, I'm hoping step one gets rid of most of them but for those few remaining, they will also get a choice...do something that actually helps society or slide down a razor blade naked into a vat of iodine.
3. I will appoint people to the important jobs based on their personal integrity and ability to make me laugh...women with nice butts will get two bonus points!
4. Temporary, reversable sterilization for everyone that cannot afford to raise a child...once the financial capability can be demonstrated...an antidote will be issued.
5. All professional athletes will work under a strick salary cap...if they reallllllyyyy play because they love the game...they can play for minimum wage! This change will also apply to actors, actresses, singers, bands, clowns, and Barney the friggin Purple Dinosaur!!!
6. The military, police, teachers, firemen and trash collectors will get an immediate 100% pay raise (we'll get the money from the athletes, actors, etc ) IF they are good at what they do...no dead weight in these professions will be tolerated.
7. Health care...I will pay for all medical training/schooling...with a two to one pay back...if you go to 8 years of medical school...you owe society sixteen years of service...at a REASONABLE salary...this may keep the folks that just wanna make money away.
8. "Welfare" will only be available for those not capable of working...not those that don't want to work!!!
9. The media will not be permitted to destroy the self-esteem of girls and women by "dictating" or force feeding their (and industry's) version of what an attractive woman should look like....all Barbie dolls will immediately put on 45 pounds!!!
10. The only talk show that will still be aired will be Jerry Springer...cause face it, if you're doing better than Jerry's guests...life ain't so bad :-) Dr. Phil and Oprah will be forced to marry and listen to each other's psychobabble bullshit for the rest of their lives...in private!
11. All religious organizations will lose their tax free status...on planet Dad...if ya wanna play, ya gotta pay.
12. Free education will actually be free...kids (their parents) will not be forced to become door-to-door salesmen of cookies, magazines, or other crap that none of us really want to buy anyhow.
13. Thieves...the cutting off of hands, televised on ESPN, doesn't seem too harsh to me...basic thing momma taught me...if it ain't yours, don't touch it
14. Back to education...any educator caught calling a child dumb or stupid or similiar word will have their privates painted with honey and staked to an ant hill for 8 hours...without pay...to consider who is really stupid!
15. Drugs...the entire drug trade will be taken over by the government and taxed to high heaven...let it generate funds for the country instead of draining it.
16. Old people (by this I mean older than me) will regain their status as essential and venerated members of society instead of throw-aways...they will be allowed and encouraged to continue working as long as they are able to make a contribution...when they are no longer able to work...we will capitalize on their experience and wisdom by having them as advisors...when they decide they've had enough, we will treat them with dignity and respect...we should all want this since I believe we all hope to be old one day :-)
17. Any chocolate eaten after 6 pm will have no calories...enough said!
18. People in prison and jails are there because they did something bad...they will not have tv, gyms, the internet, or anything else that makes jail a less than terrible experience...I think the idea should be to make it so unpleasant that no one wants to go back...and possibly change their behavior to ensure they don't go back!
OK...I'm tired now...gonna go play some Xbox and then off tobed...my big, empty bed...hmm, maybe I'll just stay up all night :-)
Hope everyone has a great Monday!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, Monday
I've had a migraine since I woke up yesterday...my dryer broke late last night so I had to take off part of today to get it fixed, since my underwear weren't dry yet...the U.S. Mail has apparently delivered three different packages of mine (yes, christmas gifts) to the wrong house but they assured me they will ATTEMPT to get them back tomorrow...why wouldn't the people who got them have already tried to get them back to the mailman??? But Big Sis and Li'l Sis came up for a while, we went to Walmart and out for Chinese so all in all it was a good Monday.
Since most of y'all are women...and yes, I do love the attention...as a public service, I hereby offer to field any question you ever wanted to ask a man but were afraid to ask...as long as you don't tell the guys...I don't want to lose my secret decoder ring or have them change the secret handshake :-)
I have determined that after 49 years and 10 months what I have learned about women is about equal to a popcorn fart in a wind storm!!!
C'mon Tuesday...what do ya have in store for me ???
Since most of y'all are women...and yes, I do love the attention...as a public service, I hereby offer to field any question you ever wanted to ask a man but were afraid to ask...as long as you don't tell the guys...I don't want to lose my secret decoder ring or have them change the secret handshake :-)
I have determined that after 49 years and 10 months what I have learned about women is about equal to a popcorn fart in a wind storm!!!
C'mon Tuesday...what do ya have in store for me ???
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Jumble Mash...my middle child :-)
I really didn't have much to say today...until I read JM's post on childhood memories :-) JM and I think so much alike that sometimes it's scary...and I'm not sure which of us should be scared the most! There have been times that she has been...shall we say...a challenge. But I must say, even when being a challenge, she has always been interesting.
The following conversation took place when JM was 5 or 6 and I was tucking her in for the night:
JM: Daddy, can God see me in the dark?
DAD: Yeah baby, I'm pretty sure God can see in the dark
JM: Daddy, what if I cover up my head?
DAD: JM, what are you trying to hid from God?
JM: Nothing, I was just wondering!
I couldn't possibly love her more than I do :-)
The following conversation took place when JM was 5 or 6 and I was tucking her in for the night:
JM: Daddy, can God see me in the dark?
DAD: Yeah baby, I'm pretty sure God can see in the dark
JM: Daddy, what if I cover up my head?
DAD: JM, what are you trying to hid from God?
JM: Nothing, I was just wondering!
I couldn't possibly love her more than I do :-)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Feelin' Old
Well Big Sister turned 26 today! Exactly how in the hell did that happen??? Seems like only yesterday she was between diaper sizes...one to little, one too big...and peed out the side onto my nicely starched Air Force uniform...twice, in the same day!!! Or the first time we brought her back to the states...she was about 7 months old and I found out a military flight was going into Charleston, SC and there were "seats" available. The aircraft was a C-130 which is a troop transport/cargo plane...no seats, webbed netting to sit on...so loud you can't talk to the person next to you...and oh yeah, it was an 11 hour training flight. The Load Master and the entire crew went out of their way to make us as comfortable as possible since we had such precious cargo with us :-) As the flight progressed, I was very happy...and proud...of what a well behaved baby I had fathered. As we descended into Charleston, I was relieved and already thinking about the 8 hour car ride home. As the wheels touched down...my darling, well behaved daughter projectile vomited infamil all over me...and I do mean all over me!!! Oh, the joys of parenthood. Happy Birthday Big Sister....and JM, don't laugh too much...your birthday is coming soon :-)
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