Surprise, surprise!!!

I was just catching up on reading my blog list...so glad everyone is back and posting after the holidays...when I popped into Semi True Torystellar's and saw that she had gotten "The Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award"...well deserved, in my not so humble opinion!!!  As I read her post, I was surpised to learn two things...one, we're both closet Twilight junkies and two, she passed the award on to me!!!  She said "and finally Dad over at Unsound Reasoning because he’s just a laugh, regardless of what he thinks of Idaho."  I'd like to go on record, no actual potatoes were harmed during my rant about Idaho!!! Thank you Tory!

It seems that I have to share five guilty pleasures and pass the award to three fellow bloggers....here we go:

1.  One of my favorite things about this time of year is the availability of Egg Nog...I absolutely love it...espically to chase down cookies :-)
2.  My iPad...the girls call if my BFF...not with the same tone now since I got them each one for Christmas :-)
3.  The smell of a puppy...a very macho, he-man kinda puppy...pit bull maybe :-)
4.  Reading a book that is soooo good that you're mad because it's over.
5.  That I've always had crappy hair...makes it so much easier to accept losing it :-)

It is my distinct pleasure to pass this award to....red carpet and drum roll....honor guard with raised swords...Odie at The Simple Life, who posted a great story today that will rekindle your faith in people and always has a positive outlook...Lyndelou at The Giggle Fest because she inspires me...her ability to cope with adversity and maintain a great sense of humor is amazing...and Bubbles at Bursts of Bubbles because she is Irresistibly Sweet :-)

Now...everyone go check out Can U Relate? Thanks again Tory!

Congrats JM, Happy New Year and other junk

So, it's New Years Eve and my plans are to hang some pictures in the living room (I repainted) read some blogs, and play some Xbox...excitement unlimited!!!  When I was young and liked to drink a tad, I loved going out for New Year's Eve...was a great excuse :-)  But even then, I don't think I really ever GOT the occassion.  It's been several years since I've done anything to celebrate the event however I do enjoy the day off work so I'm not preposing an end to the holiday!  I don't make resolutions and I don't have a special meal...it's just another day.  But to all those party-goers (JM and Boyfriend are going out) I wish you a fun filled evening and BE SAFE...people are crazy!!!

On another note, I'm thinking of starting a grass roots movement to encourage arranged marriages.  I heard recently that the divorce rate in most first world countries is somewhere in the neighborhood of 50%....one out of every two marriages ends in divorce...so it appears that we are not very good at picking our life partners.  I don't know if arranged marriages would change anything but at least we'd have a good excuse if it didn't work!!!  It would be kind of like bad politicians, we always say..."well, I didn't vote for them".  With a bad spouse, we would always be able to say..."well, I didn't pick them"......just an idea :-)




I was at Jumble Mash's place last night feeding my face full of meatball subs that she made with french fries and mac 'n cheese....mmm, mmmm, good....when she popped her iPad in front of my face to show me she had just gotten her 100th follower...she was happier than a pig in poop :-)  So congratulations to my darlin' daughter for achieving this milestone in the blogging universe!  If somehow, you haven't read her blog...I promise, it's entertaining!

True Wit

Once upon a time, about 1991, I lived in a small village in South Australia.  The population was roughly 2000.  After being there about a month, even if you didn't know everyone by name...you knew everyone by sight.  Now in this village lived a young woman named Michelle.

Michelle was a 20-something, single Aussie lass.  She was f-f-f-fine!!!  On a scale of 1 to 10, she was about a 12.4...on a bad hair day :-)  I googled for photos to "represent" her in this post but none did her justice...so use your imagination.  A smile that lit up the day, perfectly proportioned body, breasts that provided just enough waste to be entertaining, buns made of Kevlar...you get the idea.  The common consensus among the males of the village was that Michelle was the hottest woman in town.

Now add to this walking, breathing fantasy the fact that Michelle was also one of the nicest, most pleasant people in the village...and it was sincere!!!  It was almost like no one had ever clued her in on how friggin' attractive she was...no arrogance, no snobbishness, no fakeness!!!  Add the looks and personality together and essentially she was the type of woman that very, very few guys would have the courage to approach.

Until one night...

Friday night and the pub was jumpin'!!!  A good mix of Aussies and Yanks...throwing darts, shooting pool, and of course...drinking beer!  Michelle is sitting at the bar chatting with girlfriend and being her usual lovely, likable self. 

An American, whose name I will not change because he should never live this down, named Stephen, apparently decides this night is the night.  Fueled by a healthy dose of liquid courage (alcohol) and "supportive" mates...Aussie and Yank alike...he makes his move.

I'm sure he thought he was sauntering...but actually it was more like weaving...up to Michelle.  With the cosmos against him...just as he loudly said (so he could be heard over the music...and so his mates could witness his bravery) the music stopped!  The whole pub heard him speak this classic pick-up line...

"Michelle, I sure would like to get into your pants"

With a smile that melted hearts and made puppies wag their tails, Michelle so sweetly replied:

"No thanks mate, I already have one asshole there"

A collective groan from every male in the place could be heard as Stephen was shot down in flames!!!

Soooo Busted

I just read a hilarious post by Becca that reminded me of something that I apparently had buried deep in my grey matter in an attempt to protect my fragile male ego...but what the hell, I'll share it with y'all.

Years ago, I was driving from West Virginia where I had dropped off JM, her sisters and her mom for a visit, to Boston (where I lved at the time) in my 1974 VW Squareback.  I had just installed a new rebuilt engine and was pretty happy with how well my old girl was running.

Somewhere in Connecticut, in the early daylight hours of the morning, I developed an oil leak from the valve cover.  Unfortunately, with this type of engine, if there is an oil leak from the valve cover...it drips directly onto the exhaust pipe.

I looked in the rear view mirror and holy crap...so much smoke was coming from my car that I looked like an old coal train!!

Being the thoughtful person that I am, and not wanting to be responsible for a massive wreck on the interstate because no one else could see through cloud of smoke I was leaving...I decided I had better pull over and see if I could rectify the situation.  I found a reasonably level spot and pulled over onto the shoulder.  I crawled up under the car and quickly realized what was causing the problem.  The leak was very minor and I was not losing enough oil to cause a real mechanical problem...it was just creating all that friggin' smoke. 

So, I figure about the only thing I can do at the time is to try and wipe off the exhaust to minimize the smoke.  I start digging around in the car looking for something I could use and this is the only thing I found...

I can only guess at JM's mother's surprise when she went to look for them :-)  Despite my initial misgivings, I figured they were supposed to be absorbant...and they were disposable...and most importantly, they were all I had...and no one would ever know!  So, back under the car I went with my trusty pack of Kotex.

As I was woking, I saw a shadow approaching and peeked out from under the car...to see a Connecticut State Trooper standing there...he looked from the Kotex package to me and back at the Kotex package and started laughing so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks! 

Once he got himself under control, he asked if I needed a tow truck.  I assured him I had the situation under control...he thanked me for the best laugh he'd had in ages and when about his merry way!!!

Needless to say...I was just a tad embarrassed by the whole situation...not real manly to repair your car with Kotex :-)



On the Road Again

At DW's suggestion:

I was born a poor white child....wait that's a Steve Martin movie...regardless, it's accurate :-)  Yep, I'm a true West Virginia Hillbilly.  I lived in the same house from the day I was born until the day I went into the military at age 17...yes, my mother had to sign the papers.  It was the single best decision I've ever made and I am sincerely honored to have had the chance to wear my country's uniform.

I am a Travellin' Man...since enlisting, I have been to all 50 states in the U.S. and somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 countries.  Since retiring, I've had 3 jobs...all of which required extensive travel.  Over one 13 week stretch this year, I was on the road for ten weeks!!!  I've actually woke up in hotels and for several seconds couldn't remember where I was!!!  I was in Vegas last month and will be in California in February.  I think I currently have10 trips scheduled for 2011.  Believe it or not...I think I've finally gotten tired of travelling.  I'm working very hard at the moment to minimize the amount of time I spend on the road....I'm getting too old for this crap :-)

The worst place I ever lived was Idaho...if you're from there, I feel for you.  Face it, if the best slogan you can come up with for your license plates is "Famous Potatoes"....your state doesn't have a lot to offer.  I actually think we should dig a moat around the whole state and make it a penal colony!!!  Of course, being the fair-minded person that I am, we'd give current residents the opportunity to relocate if they want...see, I'm not so bad :-)

If I ever screw up so bad that I get deported...I want to go back to Australia and live....living there was a fantastic experience.  Great place, great people, and needless to say...great beer :-)  I'll write more about Australia in a seperate post.

I've been to a number of places in the Pacific...loved the cultures...the food.....and since  was a young, single man...yes, I loved the women :-)  It was also the only area where I felt tall :-)

I also spent some time around Central and South America...it wasn't bad but I doubt that I'd elect to go back. 

I've never been to Europe...although I tried very hard to make it happen!..The one place I want to visit is Egypt.

Here's a few things I've learned in my travels:

• People are people, no matter where you go...some good and some bad
• The average American has no concept of true poverty
• Attitude is everything...if you're willing to find the good, you will...except in Idaho
• You really shouldn't drink everything you're offered in a foreign county
• You really, really shouldn't eat everything you're offered AFTER drinking everything offered in a foreign country
• Other culture's beliefs and customs are just as valid to them as yours are to you...even when they seem whacked out :-)
• The phrase " I love you no shit G.I" may not be 100% sincere
• If you've already eaten three pieces of kagogi before discovering that it's dog meat, there's really no sense in stopping :-)
• There is not enough alcohol in the world to get me to "suck balut"...google it :-)

Have a great day and may all your travels end in happiness!